Totally Legit Internet History: The Cult of Voorhees

Of course I made an actual Friday the 13th post. You shouldn’t doubt me like that.

On Friday, October 13th 2006 police raided the headquarters of a bizarre cult. What they found sickened even the most seasoned of police detectives. Members of the Cult of Voorhees were having what appeared to be really bad sex while in the woods while an older woman wove her way through the tangle of bodies screaming about her deceased son.

Police later identified this woman as Sarah Parkinson, a twenty-two year old who had legally changed her name to Pamela Voorhees. She made herself appear middle aged by dying her hair and having age lines tattooed onto her face. She also had no children.

Oddest of all were the “children” they’d found sleeping in cabins around the property. These “children” were actually hyper-realistic dolls designed in Japan for reasons that no one wants to dwell on. Some were even in various stages of decomposition, especially the one found in what cult members called “the lake” and was actually an old bathtub that had been dragged into the middle of their orgy clearing.

I don't care what you call it, that's not a lake...
I don’t care what you call it, that’s not a lake…

It took several hours, but officers were able to disentangle all the cult members from one another. Needless to say, no one got off.

Later they were also arrested and convicted of a variety of crimes.

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