TW: Depression

Originally drafted for twitter, but it’s a bit long and I want it somewhere more permanent. It’s a permanent feeling, and it deserves more than fleeting recognition…

Plus if you squint, it almost looks like a poem…

TW: Depression

Several co-workers- and my manager- are discussing a movie behind me.
Raving about its splendor
Despite my repeated reminders that the star is an abuser
Despite my saying it makes me physically ill that he’s up for an Oscar
When he’s sexually harassed multiple women
But still, they praise his skills as an actor
And I’m stuck here, silent
Because I’ve already suffered the passive aggressive snark this morning
Stating that I butt in when it’s not my business
Reminding me I’m “too PC”
And it already made me want to die a little
Because it’s not just my coworkers who tell me this
They’re not the only ones implying I’m a caustic bitch
Who should probably just stay silent
So I begin to sink
Into the welcoming arms of my depression demon
But recognizing this, I try to take evasive actions
I remind myself that there are people out there who love me
No matter what
People who don’t find me off putting
People who appreciate my help and/or political stances
My husband, family, friends…
All of you folks reading this
But some days that doesn’t help.
It doesn’t matter that there are people who like you
It doesn’t matter how many people say everyone else is wrong
That the haters are the ones with the problem
That I’m fine just the way I am
And if they don’t think so…
Then they’re not worth my time
Some days, none of that matters
Because some days you just hate yourself
And how do you tell yourself you’re wrong
When you don’t want to believe it?

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