Alright ARMY (and future ARMY), it’s Saturday and you know what that means.
KIM NAMJOON, KIM SEOKJIN, MIN YOONGI, JUNG HOSEOK, PARK JIMIN, KIM TAEHYUNG, JEON JUNGKOOK, BTS!
And the thought occurs that if you’re not a KPop fan, you won’t know about fan chants. You know, what the fans chant at the beginning of every performance and occasionally during the songs and… you know what, it’s not important now. We’ll save this for later.
The Big Hit Logo, once again. And once again, I am ready to go. Honestly, at this point the logo makes me smile.
And as soon as the logo fades the music starts and we cut to our bulletproof boy scouts looking tough. Well, in theory. Once we get the close-ups, though, well… Seeing is believing.
One – Jin
Two – Jungkook (holy shit… someone better call Gwar, they’ve lost their chibi mascot. Or maybe it’s aegyo* Gwar…?)
Three – Jimin
Four – V
Five – (your hope, my hope) JHope
Six – RM (blurry as fuck, thanks for nothing Namjoon)
And seven – Suga
Now, honestly, in my head, I had this whole plan to go back up to Two and mention the Gwar thing here. Like a rewind feature. In my head, it even had the sound effect. Because Jungkook in those Gwar level shoulder pads was what convinced me to start this whole feature.
And because of that, it should go without saying that this is not my first time watching this video. It’s like, the third time. So somehow, I managed to forget all about Suga with the gold snorkeling mask, the gold skateboard with “SUPREME” written on it, and shoulder pads?
Because this is… this is a lot. I mean, look at it.
And LED flashlights on the side of the snorkeling mask. God, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
A bunch of random cuts between close-ups of our boys and random images (a scale, this bottle of ink, a disco ball, and a clock?)
No, but seriously, what? There is text over the video. Oh god, this is going to be amazing.
Oh. Oh, my word. The skeleton gauntlet. The perm. V looking like a demon in the back. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
(P.S. RM better appreciate how much I adore him because I did not screencap the movement of said perm. The one that features in the first fanfiction I did not read because reading RPF would be weird and invasive…)
(I’ll include the link below.)
A cane with a dollar sign. A CANE WITH A DOLLAR SIGN.
And I know it seems like I’m picking on the boys, but really I’m just so happy to share this with you guys. It’s so patronizing of me to be like “look at the wee little smooshbabies trying to be tough and be taken seriously,” but I here I am:
Squeeing over it. With you. Which sort of makes me feel bad. But when I feel bad I watch BTS so…
Back to the badasses.
Besides, they’re bulletproof.
Oh, confident tough guy Jin… I adore you.
Suga, I cannot take you seriously with that thing on your head. It looks less delinquent and more conspiracy theorist.
But I do appreciate this…
Did I just see bullets?
Uh, guys? I’m a little concerned you’re pushing this delinquent thing too far. But it was really quick. So maybe it’s like the scales earlier. Or all those dicks they sneak into Disney movies.
Probably a mistake.
It’s cool. We’ll move on.
I love this screencap.
It makes up for this football playing nightmare that will haunt my dreams. (Because of the double image that reminds me of that ghost from The Grudge.)
Jungkook is three hundred percent precious. I just cannot even with–
OH GOD, MY EYES. Y’ALL ARE BARELY OR NOT EVEN LEGAL I DO NOT NEED TO SEE YOUR NIPS.
(they then did a stomach crunch that I refuse to try and capture. In fact, I was so traumatized I had to go and get hot chocolate.)
OH! The pen from earlier makes sense now.
Wait. What does this mean for the bullets?
I prefer Suga in this outfit. I mean, it’s still no red rose suit coat (see below) but it’ll do in a pinch.
I cannot handle how Suga looked at the 2016 MAMA awards. It hurts me.
I love what they did with the lyrics in this video. Even if it was fucking difficult to capture.
But I got several great screencaps of V while trying, so *shrug*
This whole sequence of his is amazing and reinforces my belief that he is an alien angel we do not deserve.
I want to be his best friend. Now that I’ve drowned the image of his nipple out by overconsuming hot chocolate.
We can wear giant gold BFF necklaces.
And since we’re such good friends I’ll even forgive the use of justified alignment on “it.”
YAY! It’s Jimin’s turn! He’s such an amazing dancer we should be in for a treat. As long as he doesn’t flash us again.
Body rolls. I should’ve thought to ban body rolls as well. I just want to think of my babies as pure. Not–
Oh for fuck’s sake.
No seriously, for fuck’s sake.
Yeah, no, I get the imagery. I’m sorry for saying you didn’t make passable delinquents.
(also, know that I will be talking to your father when he gets home.)
I have been, JHope.
That makes more sense…
I adore every JHope expression. Just, wanted to point that out since I got this screencap when trying to get an image of his hat.
See? The hat is amazing. And he knows it. It’s even in the text above his head.
Next up is RM’s bit but…
..because of the CC he flipped me off while making a kissy face and I moved onto:
Jin! And I wanted to mention him being more aggressive than I’m used to, but I was distracted by his perfect teeth.
Those are some impressive choppers.
Every time they mine shooting or show guns I am slightly upset and disappointed. Not gonna lie.
(It’s why I don’t watch this video more even though I love the song.)
And, again, I get it. They’re bulletproof so they need bullets. And guns. And they’re tough delinquents and thug life, etc. But my chest still feels tight and I’m sad.
Even with V saying “what’s up” here. Even with JHope having some epic dance–
Okay, I’m not sad anymore. It’s impossible to be sad with JHope being this focused.
Or when he sinks to the ground.
So Jimin can flip over him and then dance for a bit before throwing his hat to Jungkook.
Except they’re both holding hats and I was lied to…
Making this whole hat dance sequence feel superfluous. (Because I’m being a grump.)
They stomp around a bit. We get a few more close-ups (I didn’t capture because *sings* I’m lazy.)
Cock and fire the finger guns one more time. A few final close-ups. Strut away. And finally:
One last thug life poses before we fade to black.
Join me next Saturday when I break down N.O
Assuming I can get past the lack of a second period…
We Are Bulletproof Pt2 by BTS
Released: July 12th, 2013
Album: 2 Cool 4 Skool
Notes: There is no We Are Bulletproof Pt1
Watched Status: Previously watched
Reason: He has perfect teeth, I did not see his nipples, and he does not have a perm.
Favorite video to date: The Christmas Special
Look! It’s everyone’s favorite sub-feature. This week we only have one entry once again.
Aegyo: a cute display of affection often expressed including but not limited to through a cute/baby voice, facial expressions, and gestures. And, honest to god, when I looked up the term in the image search half the results were BTS.(back)
Or, since it’s the Christmas season, you can buy me a present.