Happy Saturday everyone! It’s time, once again, for your favorite and mine: Fangirl Follow Along. Previously we recapped N.O and had our second special where the maknae line was creepy pervs and the hyung line had an existential crisis.

What is in store for us today?!

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We’re back to the Big Hit logo and all is right with the world.

The music says pop ballad but the setting says horror film.

Oh, look, flowers. Dead flowers. Horror movie confirmed.

What’s a mini?

(ah, there are two types of KPop albums, full and mini. Learn something new every day)

Please don’t be a sixteen-year-old Catholic schoolboy Jungkook.

Please do be a teenage Catholic schoolboy Suga.

Dammit, skunked again.

Jungkook sees the beautiful woman and we all know from last week that he is not equipped to handle that.

See? He just gets up and runs after her despite the fact that this is still obviously a horror movie and she’s probably a demon.

It cuts back to the demon woman and then we see her shadow as we see

RM looking suave as shit and our shooting guard holding his basketball.

In front of a poster for Vampire Roller Babes. I have questions. Is that a real thing?

And now they react.

OH MY GOD GUYS!

RM slaps Suga’s chest and the expression on his face is clearly “bitch, did you just put your hands on me?”

RM: DID YOU SEE?
Suga: I was looking until some bitch put his hands on me.

what’s happening?!

Oh.

I’m not really sure what I thought was happening, but for some reason mixtape is a let down here.

RM takes off with the disk leaving a sad and wistful Suga in his wake and I have no idea what the fuck is happening right now but the lyrics still haven’t even started.

What is this video?

No, seriously. What is this video?

Now Jimin is mopping the floors in front of horror movie urinals. How is the beautiful woman going to walk past him?

That is not how you mop… running across the room. Props on the squeaky shoes and lighting effects, though. It really does add to the video. Not sarcastically, either. I really enjoyed those elements.

She doesn’t walk past Jimin. Instead, we see red shoes belonging to either JHope, V, or Jin by process of elimination.

It’s V reading manga!

*gigglesnort* Okay, so I was wrong. It was JHope (pictured here mid-yawn, hence the giggle) sitting next to V reading Manga.

V is really into it. JHope’s yawn is deeper than I’d have thought.

Jin is rocking out. To the mixtape? Only time will tell…

Seriously, though, I adore the lighting in this video.

Beautiful woman through the blinds.

Jin senses a disturbance in the force and is compelled to open his eyes despite being in a room with headphones on…

Wait a second… Skool Luv Affair was their third release…

*turns to google*

Okay, so 2 Cool 4 Skool was their debut single album. O!RUL8,2? was their first EP (or mini album) and Skool Luv Affair was their second.

Back to the video.

Those had better not be turtlenecks.

I take it back. Bring on the turtlenecks. Those don’t make me feel things…

While this screencap looks like the thriller dance, I assure you it’s pelvic fluidity level was over nine thousand. I may not survive.

yeah… I’m just gonna…

(the first of my nine lives I just assigned myself)

NO WAIT!

(There goes the second life)

(They also jump and RM looks like a devil, but I couldn’t get screencaps so those don’t count.)

This is not what I was expecting… I honestly thought power ballad.

Also, I think V pulled something.

It’s a little intimidating how good the choreography is here, and I cannot wait for next week when I break down the dance version. Well, next week for you. As soon as I finish here for me. Because I’m still stalling writing my reviews.

Well…

(third death)

Fuck me, the lighting…

Suga bitting his lip and wearing fingerless gloves

(fourth)

Whoever was in charge of the lighting deserves a kitten and a churro ice cream sandwich. Stat.

Clearly, this is what RM intended all along with the mixtape.

…wait, was he always wearing a plaid undershirt?

huh… son of a bitch, he was.

Okay, a) don’t whine. B) amg the imagery. Make it two kittens.

I mean, just the thought of RM rapping over Horror High’s PA system for the girl he wants…

(five)

Early BTS was obsessed with jumping over each other and sound effects. I stan for that.

How dare you…

(six)

Seriously, JHope? You’re going to insist on looking like this? In front of my salad?

OH! I’VE SEEN THIS SCREENCAP BEFORE. I always wondered what it was from. And I can understand why it’s circulating. V is beautiful (and so is the lighting.)

I love this profile shot of Jimin for a few reasons. He looks far different than he has in previous videos (and will look in later videos.) It’s a nice balance of soft and hard. Of feminine and masculine. Of youth and maturity. There’s this wonderful contrast of his skin against the grey walls. Especially around his neck and Adam’s apple. It’s just that I can also tell he’s using a urinal and a second ago he looked sort of blissed out.

Do guys do that when they pee?

Then Jungkook walks up and he peaks. Despite all my male friends SWEARING UP AND DOWN NO GUYS DO THAT.

I just… need to defer to Martin Freeman here.

(because he peaked, you saw it in the last screencap, and now he’s got this huge shit-eating grin.)

Okay, RM was just rapping earlier because the mixtape was just inserted.

He cranks it up to eleven (with his pretty hands)

And it acts like the bat signal.

DEAR GOD LET THEM REMEMBER TO WASH THEIR HANDS FIRST.

I’m not playing with you, right now. Wash those hands.

Given the chance to meet BTS I will be bowing. In deference to their culture and not because they totally just did not wash their hands.

Unwashed hands.

No, JHope, he didn’t wash his hands…

Don’t accept that high five, he did not wash his hands.

(I knew this was a horror film)

The joy that is clearly visible on JHope’s face when he dances gives me life. I mean, it also looks sort of sultry and vaguely seductive, but…

Where was I going with this?

…no. I’m ignoring this line.

RM drags chairs across the room before throwing them at the wall and already this one video has done more to cement them as hoodlums (who do not wash their hands) that the others combined.

Is he… driving Jimin like a car?

I’m ignoring that too.

Did Suga just put his hands on her?

And now he’s shaking her…

And she pushes him off (as she should)

And he motions down her body…

(there was a line about beauty but the lyric just changed as I took the screencap.)

It’s rather fitting that this is where my seventh death would have been, had I not become a giant ball of rage. It provides the perfect opportunity for this gif:

I’m only going to say this once, don’t try to physically intimidate women. So someone played a mind game with you, that sucks. But don’t put hands on anyone unless you’re prepared to lose a few teeth. Because all the women I know will knock you on your ass.

And if they don’t, their friends will. I will.

I really want to like this shot. All the guys are wearing chains, they look suitably shocked, but Jimin and Jungkook both still have dick hands and Suga just got physical.

(There was a really great RM frame, but I could not get it.)

Jin is still sitting alone in a darkened room…

… makes me think he’s the one who got his heart broken. Assuming that is the premise of the video. And why Suga is made enough to PUT HIS HANDS ON ANOTHER PERSON.

Wait… he was in a locker?

I mean, he still looks cute, but how did he fit?

He’s running towards the doors featured in every zombie movie.

Uh oh.

I feel as if

No Jin.

Don’t do it Jin. Just walk away, there’s still time.

Oh fuck, he did the thing.

I take it back. If I meet them, I’m kicking them in the balls while screaming “THIS IS FOR THE GIRL IN BOY IN LUV.”

I like to imagine I can get two before security pulls me away. I choose Jin and Suga for their level of involvement in this douchery. Look at Jin! Pulling her down and hallway and into a classroom full of his friends to…

The fuck kind of bullshit is this. Amazing lighting, touching scene, and it’s almost like TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS HADN’T JUST TOSSED HER AROUND.

But wait! There’s more.

After Jungkook sings to her, Jin does.

Next up, Jimin. Who doesn’t wash his hands.

Jin again, who hides in lockers and tosses girls around.

Jimin, again, still without clean hands.

I’m just going to break here to say that if you want one girl to be with all of you, you’re going to need more than one rose. Especially since you TOSSED HER AROUND.

Now we’re in full thug regalia. Jungkook’s shirt has a dog on it.

RM has fireworks.

Suga is in a basketball hoop.

(And if I wasn’t pissed at him, I would be giggling over how adorable it is.)

Jimin is sitting on a fence (and that has to hurt his ass.)

And Outro.

So there you have it, a video that has left me conflicted. The lighting is gorgeous, the choreography is on point, it’s got a good beat you can dance too, Jimin checks out Jungkook’s dick before they both leave without washing their hands and Jin and Suga put their hands on a girl and physically intimidate her.

Before they all try to woe her.

With one rose.

I’m flabbergasted, and honestly, if this was the only BTS video I had seen I’m not sure I would’ve given them a second chance.

Join me next week when I check out the dance version of this. Hopefully including all the lighting and choreography and none of the abusive bits.

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Boy in Luv by BTS
Released: February 11, 2014
Album: Skool Luv Affair
Length: 4:42
Notes: The first song of their second mini which is their third release.
Watched Status: Previously unwatched
Bias: The lighting
Reason: It was going to be Jimin, but he didn’t wash his hands…
Favorite video to date: N.O

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Look! It’s everyone’s favorite sub-feature. Which is empty this week since I already explained minis.

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