Hey there, Kpop fans, it’s me again with another edition of the Fangirl Follow Along! Last week, we took a stroll through the cesspool of toxic masculinity that was Boy In Luv. This week, we try again with the dance version.

Let’s let go of the past and jump right in.

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Ladies and Gentlemen… Big Hit

Wallet chains. WALLET CHAINS!

I dated a bad boy in high school (and later married him) so it’s safe to say I have a thing for wallet chains. And boys in eyeliner. But that’s… let’s just get back to the video.

Yes to the good lighting, no to the HD. Win some, you lose some.

We’re already getting more of this set, which I am super pumped about.

It’s hard to get good screencaps in low res dance videos. Just know that this sequence was awesome.

Like really hard. Like there was a great sequence while the boys are in the other outfits and on the other set, but the glare was unreal so here’s V with his foot up.

DOGGY SHIRT!

I’ve started drinking, FYI, this may all go downhill fast.

Cross-armed Namjoon is my favorite Namjoon.

That wink is registered as a lethal weapon in seven countries.

Dimples in another thirteen.

(If you throw the wink, the wallet chain, and the dimples together I think it counts as a WMD.)

JHope gets sick air.

Lord have mercy. JHope is killing me.

This lighting is killing me.

Suga in those fingerless gloves is killing me.

It’s a good thing I start over with full lives every video, or I’d be fucked.

Goddamned, I love V front and center. I love JHope and Jimin bent in half looking tough, I look Suga strutting. I love this video.

I will say it until I die, the lighting, choreography, and outfits for this video are honed to perfection. The music video version would’ve been perfect without the physical intimidation aspect.

But we live in a kind world (that’s a lie, but let me pretend) so we have this dance version to make up for it.

I don’t know when I decided crotch grab was an acceptable dance move, but here we are with me nodding along in approval for its inclusion.

I literally just watched Justin Timberlake’s Filthy earlier and mocked it ruthlessly (debating if it would’ve been better or worse to have the robot do it and then cackling) but here I’m… stanning for children grabbing their crotches.

I mean, they have a scene change mid crotch grab. How can it not be legit?

You know, I just realized how weird this segment is becoming, so let’s just move on.

WHEN I SAID MOVING ON I DID NOT MEAN GRAB USING THE OTHER HAND.

You know, last time I skipped the “shake off and zip up, boys, and remember if you shake more than three times you’re just playing with yourself” line because I was trying to stay classy. (And had the unwashed hands to focus on instead.) They’re killing me with the dick grabbing here.

It’s too late, I know where those hands have been and that they’re unwashed.

Jimin is fucking adorable this video.

…Jesus titty fucking christ…

(yeah, please correct that to a correct noun. God knows I’d hate for my blasphemy to be blasphemous.)

So, uh… whatcha wiping off your hands? Now that you’ve handled your crotch three hundred percent more than necessary in one video.

Make that four hundred percent.

That lighting, though.

(Also, when did the HD option show up?)

Jungkook really looks like your nerdy younger cousin that your mom and aunt insist you take with you so you attempt to dress them vaguely appropriately so they won’t embarrass you but no one is fooled.

I know because I WAS THAT COUSIN.

Jimin still looks adorable.

V is also just an otherworldly beauty, despite not being able to stay still long enough for me to grab a good screencap.

SEE! This is how Suga is supposed to be. Not assaulting women in hallways, just badass.

And a better dancer than anyone with his lyrical abilities, raping talents, and production skills has any right to be.

(So mad at the concept of the last video. Alpha assholes are never hot. Ever.)

Shh, shh… I’m pretty sure Jimin is about to propose to someone. Maybe Suga. Maybe me. OH, MY GOD, THIS IS SO AWKWARD I’M ALREADY HAPPILY MARRIED AND HE’S SO YOUNG AND THIS IS FOUR YEARS OLD…

No, wait, he was just getting into position to be driven by JHope.

(I just had to scroll through five hundred or so BTS screencaps to find this gif. You’re welcome.)

I got distracted fucking with my phone and the notification sounds (I’m buzzed, gimme a break) and forgot where I’d left this. Even knowing the context, I still burst out laughing at this possibly bondage image.

OH, MY GOD, THIS EXPRESSION IS CLASSIC JHOPE AND I AM SO HAPPY I CAUGHT IT.

I was trying to get him looking all slick in a black on black suit, but *shrug*

Don’t tell his heart, his achy breaky heart…

That hat, though. Let’s just say it’s not a “Ned Hat” situation and leave it at that.

Thay all look surprised by RM once again. Even though he just told them whatever he is telling them last week. I’m a little concerned about their ability to take short-term memories and convert them into long-term ones.

RM always looks so serious.

And pretty. Serious and pretty.

Oh god, Jin looking vaguely uncertain with one hand in the pocket of his slashed skinny jeans.

I appreciate this move at a spiritual level.

They’re all so shiny. It’s like they’re all glowing from within.

(Or sweating, because they’ve already been filming for seventeen hours straight. But whatevs.)

Oh for fuck’s sake.

…just…

And now we take it down a notch so Jungkook, Jimin, and Jin can try to seduce… wait, who are they going to try and seduce? There is no beautiful (and totally not a demon) woman in this video.

Is it me? Because I’m flattered but I really am taken.

No, honestly Jin, I’m happily married.

Jimin, I’m sorry but it’s not meant to be.

Yes Jin, I see how steady your hand is, you’re handling this very well. *snort*

…I honestly don’t remember the point I was going to make here.

…but I only have to make it forty-one more seconds.

Forty more…

Just keep thinking of the dog shirt and not RM in the skull shirt with his bangs falling in his eyes or Suga in the skull scarf…

Or JHope in all black, or V with his wallet chain, or Jin showing a fair bit of his side…

And there… we’ve made it.

I mean BTS. We’re safe from BTS…

…well, for another week at any rate.

So join me next Saturday when we take our first look at Just One Day. No, but seriously, it’s just the first look. There are four videos just for that one song.

I might have to mix it up with something special in there.

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Boy in Luv by BTS
Released: February 19, 2014
Album: Skool Luv Affair
Length: 3:59
Notes: The first song of their second mini which is their third release, now with fewer alpha assholes
Watched Status: Previously unwatched
Bias: I refuse to pick
Reason: I’ve scrolled up and down this summary too many times and they’re all just too fucking adorable to pick one over another.

I just… I love them all…

…Did I mention I’ve been drinking?
Favorite video to date: Boy In Luv (dance version)

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I missed the feature again this week because I was drinking. I make no apologies but will include Shia LeBeouf.

And hey, bonus, I am now lubricated enough to write the reviews I’ve been putting off for 12 hours.

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