Remember previously on Fangirl Follow Along when I used to stick to my schedule? Those were fun times, huh?
Now I get to have little mini breakdowns, grieve, get sick, and have my computer shit itself randomly so I skip weeks and get to spend like an hour every Wednesday bitterly changing all the dates on my schedule…
But none of that matters, because yesterday Big Hit released the extended edition of Fake Love and I don’t have to worry about my spreadsheet until Wednesday…
I’m so sick of this FAKE LOVE… said no BTS fan ever.
Except when we’re singing along.
You know what, this doesn’t hold up. Move along.
Wait. Jin is in a see-through shirt. I need provisions.
(wine. I need wine.)
I didn’t actually get up. I just read on my phone for a bit until my husband asked what the hell I was doing…
AVOIDING THIS HAIR, HUSBAND. THAT’S WHAT I WAS DOING.
It looks so soft…
In fact, Jin is so soft looking I forget he’s also one of the tallest and broadest of the band until shots like this.
Just fucking once I want to get a shot this good. Just.Fucking.Once.
Oh fuck it. I’m throwing my camera away.
…I’m not really. That would involve getting up AND it’s actually my husband’s.
Beauty and the Beast Vagina Flower makes its first appearance in the video.
And Jungkook starts spying.
We have to take a moment right here. I can feel people saying “OH LOOK HOW GOOD KOOKIE LOOKS WITHOUT MAKEUP!” and while it is true that he looks adorbs as fuck without makeup… he’s wearing makeup here.
I don’t know why people assume that no eyeliner means no makeup, but I’ve been seeing it a lot lately and trust me… Jungkook had to sit very still in a chair for a very long time to get this “natural” look applied.
Ah, I love this sequence.
The music is different though. There’s guitar. It’s strange and different and I don’t know if I like it yet.
Okay. I do like it.
And FUCKING SUGA RUINING MY LIFE…
*grumble* pretty man sitting at a piano in pretty lighting…
How very dare.
And now V is getting in on the action.
Just rude, if you ask me…
…no. I draw the line at Vampire!Punk Jimin. Don’t.
(also, the explosions now have sound effects…)
I’ve come a long way as a person. A year ago I would’ve been screaming about the destruction of books. Now I’m trying to figure out if I can get those pants in my size.
Vampire!Punk RM. (Please let their next album’s concept be Vampire!Punks)
What does he do to his lips? They always look tattered and abused.
J-Hope has purple in his hair and I will not survive this concept…
And Jimin. It’s a miracle I ever survive Jimin. Even when he has tiger hair which has been proven time and again to just not work. Except here. For him.
Bury me in leopard print…
And a tattered jean jacket…
Because FUCK ME RM is biting his goddamn finger again.
Also, I want to get this version of the song. Is that possible? I want that to be possible. But it probably isn’t. Like the remix of Mic Drop from the video… Why do they always–
…Suga was pretty and sad so I forgot what I was about to rant about.
Even in absurd jackets.
And whenever J-Hope eats a snickers with that purple hair, I forget I don’t actually like snickers and buy myself one.
This actually had the sound effect of wrappers crinkling and I just… I just need a moment to giggle.
The knowledge that not only does Jimin have anti-fans, but has people who wish to do he harm just enrages me. All day every day. Someday I will write an entire essay about how Jimin is too good for this world and how making him feel horrible about himself makes you a terrible human being…
But for now just know that PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS AND BEING CRUEL TO RANDOM SOFT BOYS ONLINE IS NOT OKAY.
I am still very sensitive about Suga and fire.
Someone hurt J-Hope. The world will burn.
Oh! Pretty bracelet.
He looks so young, innocent, and pure.
And then you have to go and throw this at me.
I wish there was a way to skip this part.
This part too.
(And so help me god, this better have been CGI…)
I should have gotten that wine…
WHAT THE FUCK?!
(Snickers have just been banned from the Lurcock household)
I did analyze the level of sweat here to see if it was CGI. In case you were wondering. Until we get the making of and reaction videos this is all I have to go on.
Frankly, the lighting in this video is practically obscene.
I mean look at it.
LOOK AT IT.
And this was how to original ended. But if you’ve been watching the comebacks, you know there’s more…
Jungkook gets a cloak.
I make no apologies for that gif use.
The rest of the boys get cloaks.
Not apologizing for that one either…
I literally just said “oh my god” out loud.
Just… the lighting in BTS videos. The contrasts. The set design and costume design and makeup and just… all of it. Art.
It’s a lot to take in.
I need the next BTS video more urgently than I need the next Avengers movie.
And Bucky is my forever hero… Just to give you some context.
One has alien eyes and one has gold lips so I don’t know which one V is…
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.
I screamed at the last scene. Which I will not be putting in to this wrap-up because it is too much to be spoiled. HOLY SHIT.
Seriously, cancel all Avengers movies forever. Just give me the sequel to this because HOLY SHIT.
I need… I need to go lie down.
FAKE LOVE (Extended Version) by BTS
Released: June 1, 2018
Album: Love Yourself: Tear
Watched Status: Previously unwatched
Reason: The fuck
Favorite video to date: Just happened
Join me once I return to my senses for… hopefully the next video off this album.